So my Monday instructor thinks I can manage the dressage test that’s coming up at Festina at the end of May, and that I should compete.

I ask: ‘Do I have to get the clothes? I haven’t got the clothes.’

She didn’t think so, but then I thought, What am I thinking??? — I am so going shopping!

The jacket is the most expensive element, of course, and so far they seem to err on the side of polyester. Gabardine: that’s just fancy talk for fabric made from petroleum-based products, right? I hate ordering this off the internet; I think I will need someone to give me a lift to Kildare… Anyway, then there’s the breeches, which have to be either white or beige, hmmm, wonder which one I’ll choose. Ugh, it’s a case of the least worst, and I’m not sure it’s the beige. In the beginning of my equine existence, I tried on a pair, and every single dimple of cellulite I possess was brought out in relief like a Della Robbia sculpture, only less enamelled and shiny.

I have to say, that the business with the tie is dead exciting. I had a run there, back in the early Nineties (or was it the late Eighties?) in which I did a men’s jacket and tie with a mini skirt… it was quite hot, men got rather confused and excited at the same time. There’s a fuschia tie with navy spots! Is fuschia uncool? Like, will all the other women sneer at me for choosing it? (Sold!) Plus: there’s a scrunchie to match! I think I might like a snood, but I haven’t come across one yet.

And since I don’t have long boots, I’ll need new chaps; my current pair are made of neoprene and sport hi vis blue stars. These will clash with the fuschia scrunchie.

Oh, and the white blouse (whatever.)

Total? Hang on a sec… £170.30 which equals €197.26. This is what I reckoned.

I am so doing this — and if I’m going to do it, I’ll do it right.

4 Replies to “Ooh!”

  1. I love this post. I laughed about beige breeches on myself recently as well. I mean, really, who is supposed to look good in those beige/white pants?! Who is the person who came up with this standard and what were they thinking?!

  2. Breeches aren’t always the most flattering to a woman who may have some “shape” to her lower half. I know. When I try on thin breeches – typically the ones classified as “schooling breeches” that type of material brings out every dimple, bump & roll known to man kind. It is not flattering.

    As like most things, the more $$ you invest in a pair of breeches the better the material and the better the fit. If you are still hesitant on making the plunge, then why not dance to your own drummer? How about a pair of flared breeches? You can find them wherever there are foxhunters and polo players to be found.

    I’d ask you to re-think the scrunchie. A nice bun, tastefully secured with 2 hairnets and a few elastics should do just fine.

    Last but not least – what are you going to do to your pone to make him/her look their best on show day?

    1. FLARED BREECHES! I’ll have to look into that. They said I could wear black breeches, so I think I’ll just do that.
      And yes, will skip the scrunchie, they also said I’d need a hairnet.
      And I don’t have a pone, which is an interesting issue… but I’ll be posting about that soon!

  3. shopping for horse clothes! my fave! I am sure you already know the hunt tailor William (now Michael) Frazer out in Hospital, co. Limerick! He makes all sorts of wonderful horse clothing and it costs only a little more than off the peg illl-fitting stuff! I am actually heading out there next week….

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