How in the world did I survive One Day At A Time In Al-Anon? Insert craughing emoji here.
The page for today talks about acceptance, insofar it does not mean accepting a ‘degrading situation’ but rather accepting what the facts of the situation are, and making decisions according to the facts.
Hahahahaha, facts: facts could have been looking me in the eye — and oh, how they did — but I was a past master at looking elsewhere.
It was pages like this, that while they felt like using an entire keg of dynamite blowing up a a tin can, allowed me to forgive myself for not being stronger and bigger than someone else’s addiction >>> not even my own addiction to people pleasing.
I survived ODAT’s lessons much in the same the way as I did my early, terrifying horseback riding hours: through sheer stubbornness, and the willingness to learn. Which was hard <<< that sentence is way too tidy, and doesn’t take into consideration the anger The Rooms inspired in me, the literal falls I took off the back of a horse. It does’t take into account my struggle to stay out of victim mode thanks to current events, to stay present and functional while also extending compassion to myself. If nothing else, this feckin’ virus is taking me back to the touchstones of my recovery — let’s see what turns up over the next while.