Working the Transition

The frequency of my lessons has also affected my blogging.

They seem less like discrete hours, and more of a gestalt. I have less time— oh, okay, I take less time— to think about them in the interim. But given what I’ve written below, I think I’ll get back into the swing in cyberspace.

It’s also the fact that I’ve been writing a lot, on a professional level. Just last week, I produced somewhere in the neighbourhood of 2000 words— maybe closer to 3000?— for a couple of the local papers. I couldn’t be more delighted: there are still several design gigs on the hob, but writing had now re-established itself as a central source of my income.

And since I’m working from home [blissful mornings in my dressing gown!], I’m not blogging in order to take a break from the day job.

I’ve also been editing my first novel, to be published this September. ! This is so exciting that I can barely think about it most of the time. [Look out for Drama Queen on an Amazon-dot-wherever near you!] The revisions were gratifying light, and I’m ready to submit the polished manuscript… er, next week. Maybe I’ll give it another wee look…

And I’m defending myself against my dissipating cynicism, as well, I think. Rebel is proving to be a startling mirror in which I’m seeing parts of my personal behaviour that need significant improvement. I think I’m going to have to lay down that distrustful gauntlet— and surely, that quality of negativity is not a characteristic I want to culitivate.

There was actually a moment recently in which I thought to myself, If they keep making me ride that horse… well, the conclusion of that statement had me assessing how many times I’d left a place, a job, a relationship that became too challenging. Now, there are without doubt times in all our lives that demand we stop beating our heads against a brick wall, and move on. I knew this wasn’t one of them. I knew, deep down, that I was going to give up for a whole host emotional reasons that I could, in fact, work out for myself.

Nobody’s making me do this. Emma even gave me an out, today. But I chose Rebel. And we had a slightly arduous outing. But I’m getting the thing where I ride him on through the bucks as I smack him on the bum, and that’s where I need to be. I’m still struggling with this ‘getting after the horse’ thing, but he’s insisting that I meet him on his terms. This is, I’ve decided, assertiveness training. I will not abuse this animal— but I’m not going to let him abuse me, either.

I know enough to know by now that if it’s no fun, I’ll get off him. Here’s another personal quality that rears its little head. When it’s good, it’s tenaciousness; when it’s not, it’s sheer stubbornness. Time to walk on the bright side of that trait.

I’m already looking forward to Tuesday.